he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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