I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
