i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
