new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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