My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
