so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
