Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
