spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it's like iHOP with fire
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
