hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
