Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
