Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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