so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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