but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
