I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize