go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
