I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
