Apparently you make a good broom.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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