I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
