Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
