can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
