I skipped work to stalk him.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize