Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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