He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
