he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
