dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
