You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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