my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
