Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
