Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We talked him into tasing himself.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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