Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
