I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
