found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
