I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
