Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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