So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
