A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
