All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize