she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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