Life is so much better after having sex.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
