I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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