So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
