Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
