I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
