Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
