Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
