my mouth tastes like poor choices
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
