what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
