I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
