K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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