Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
