so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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