I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
