My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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