all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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