I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
