"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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