Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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