some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
