oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
