God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
