Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
