Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize