His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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