I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
