I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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