Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She needs sedatives and a leash
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
try to milk me bitch
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