i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
