I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
