No stitches, just platelets and will power
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
