and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
