U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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