She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
