I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She said her name was "party"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
