The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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