I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize