I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
