She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
