p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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