I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So vagazzling was a success
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
