At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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