When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
