I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
