Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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