god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
