I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
