I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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