his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
