The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Boobs are out for the taking
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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