Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
