quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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