How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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