our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
