Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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