she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
