I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
