So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
