you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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