Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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