just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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