Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
