Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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