You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
