um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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