I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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