You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
