When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
