the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
