Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
